There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. It's got a lot of numbers in it." -George W. Bush. God: Joseph R. Biden We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. Jimmy Carterif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_11',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. John Adams. He said, NO! Johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to provide some evidence. How did George Washington describe things? In general terms. The President and his cabinet (advisors) go to a restaurant. And the bartender says, "How's it going, Donald?". An egotist, a feminist, and a Socialist walk into a bar. He told his aide, They landed and I went up to the leader and greeted him in peace. and please let me know what it is when you've found it. Later, the Secret Service agent's supervisor asks him, Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse? Action will delineate and define you." -Thomas Jefferson. 16 because its the first time they can legally drive. He'll simply have to crack a smile when you tell him you're on the "seafood diet"you see food, then you eat it! Why was the tomato blushing? That is the joke. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. Taxi driver just grinned and said give me a clue? Click here for more information. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean presidential obama dad jokes. And as hes going room to room, he sees a man furiously masterbating. There is nothing wrong with the adhesive. \*\* He may have won an Oscar. No seriously guys he's not my president. The night before the inauguration he calls his mother. One leads the land, the other lands the lead. If you crossed a zucchini with our first president, what would you get? George Squashington. so he made an appointment and and got a doctor to do the surgery. Advisor: Putin! The candidate who was going to "defeat ISIS" is currently at war with Saturday Night Live and a Broadway musical. Who are we? Why was George Washington buried standing up? "I was married to her for 35 years.". Which would you like to hear first? In the piano! It's the first thing he's done to combat inflation. 37 Funny Political Jokes Son: "No." Presidents Day is a sad reminder my wallet is filled with pictures of only the first one. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. She said that its the day the President walks out of the White House and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of bull. Love is like a fart. Arts, and Culture. Biden responded, "Depends". Who was the biggest joker in George Washingtons army? He shows her th. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. ** Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". Catch-22. Whats the difference between a platypus and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill. Which one of Washingtons officers had the best sense of humor? Laughafayette. Who was the funniest person in George Washingtons army? Laughayette. That last one ***ked up my roof!" Chris Rock (Kill The Messenger) 9. Police surround him and handcuff him. Probably not two terms though. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?. The clown interviewed for a balloon job, but sadly he blew it. I didn't say female because someone deleted the emale. The night before the inauguration he calls his mother. These are the presidents with the highest IQ scores. Advisor: You won the election! When he realizes what is going on, he starts screwing both of them. The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president. Once again Trump asks, How can I best serve my country?. "Intelligence reports indicate that the latest additions to the Ukranian arsenal are damaged and outdated, and many won't pose any threat to us at all." They say "it is illegal to insult President Putin" He says "You don't understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting " When I was a kid, my dad always told me anyone could. ", In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? ( Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.) A golfer was . The smell is atrocious and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover their noses. The man then leaves. "Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Trump again asks, How can I best serve my country?, Jefferson replies, Listen to the people.. "I've been working on this jigsaw puzzle from America all morning, but I can't get any of the pieces to fit!" Unfortunately, he soon learned that Bush did 9:11. Our names both have sixteen letters. Top 10 Funny Valentine's Day Jokes - Vol 2. In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? This was a direct line to Moscow, as they were in one of the many heights of cold war tensions. Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. 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What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_1',660,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-banner-1','ezslot_2',660,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-banner-1-0_1');.banner-1-multi-660{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_3',661,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_4',661,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-leaderboard-2-0_1');.large-leaderboard-2-multi-661{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}, What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_9',662,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-1','ezslot_10',662,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-1-0_1');.leader-1-multi-662{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. That means the entire country went black and successfully went back. First woman: Oh, no! Washington's Birthday, commonly known as Presidents' Day What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware? Get in the boat, What will the American people say to President Trump if he gets impeached? Youre fired!. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates." There's a term for presidents like Trump. St. Louis' home of Education. Putin: So then whats the bad news? "My son." So to make it a bit more interesting, Putin says to the Pope, Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand, I can make every communist in the crowd go wild?. Mel places one of her locks on the package and sends it back to Tim. ** The silver medal in the 2020 presidential election. Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates. Here are inspiring quotes about democracy. So, Trump with Mike Pence visits institutions around US to see what he can do to make infrastructure better for people. Others whenever they go. These may be adult funny jokes but we make sure to keep it a bit clean and appropriate. Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. Now, what did you say was the bad news? 15. The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important. Get ready to share some laughs! but then I realized that I'm comparing apples to oranges, Dad: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice." Bill Clintons asks excitedly: Do we have time?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',621,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-3-0'); Liked these presidential jokes? She reluctantly agrees, hangs up and starts talking to her friend. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. (AP; Larry. Andrew Johnson was the first US leader to ever be impeached You could say it was unpresidented. Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport? Because its way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine. Why arent there many Civil War jokes? People General Lee dont find them funny, Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested? For committing Valley Forgery, What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food? The fodder of our country. The stamp is in perfect order. I told him, She is Bill Gates' daughter. Many of the president president obama puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. In 1968, President Richard Nixon joined the set of Rowan & Martin's Laugh-In. But I guess comparing apples to oranges is unfair. Other top 10 jokes you may also like. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. I told him, My son is Bill Gates' son-in-law. Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, what do you want to be when you grow up?". Continue with Recommended Cookies. Orlando Corradi March 18, 2013, 2:57 pm. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes. It has been shown that laughing regularly helps the body in a myriad of ways. Giphy. Was my hair okay? We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. A cornfield. How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? None. Q: Did you hear about the new Obama Diet? (Stolen from an old Reagan joke), A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table. Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session. ", replies the girl. By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. The best American Presidents were stoned. Theyre supposed to keep the President in the dark. About one hour later, Putin sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of Horilka (Ukrainian vodka) in one hand, a cigar in the other, and his clothes all disheveled. A pork chop. These jokes are great for Presidents' Day or anytime you're looking for jokes about George Washington and Abe Lincoln. Finally, things might be starting to turn our way! I'll put you in the Lincoln bedroom itself!!" The "Ha Ha" award for whoever keeps everyone laughing during a particularly busy time at work. This means that she decides things like where to take our next vacation, the color of our next car, and the construction budget for adding on the new family room. "You, great president! M ost presidents understand that making fun of themselves is endearing.. "The God who gave us life, gave us liberty at the same time." -Thomas Jefferson. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. Both have a couple of idiots talking over each other and not making a point. Merkel tells him you just have to have a lot of intelligent people around you. Its not so funny now but your grand children will laugh. Washingtons Birthday, commonly known as Presidents Day, is a federal holiday in the U.S. ** He gets bored after a while in heaven, and asks God if he can return to Earth for a while to see how the good ole' US of A is turning out. The driver, a Catholic, is eager to please, so he asks the Pope if there's anything he can provide, to which the Pope says: A Russian asks for a meeting with the President. A scientist says to him "We have two projects that we are very proud of. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week. Why did the tomato go out with a prune? Holidays at PrimaryGames PrimaryGames has a large collection of holiday games, crafts, coloring pages, postcards and stationery for the following holidays: Christmas, Halloween, Easter, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, Thanksgiving, Presidents' Day, Hanukkah, New Year's Eve and more. Find qualified tutors in your area today! A: You let Putin eat your lunch every day. 7. This joke is 50 years ahead of its time. Punch Line . ", President Obama visits the Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology. There are two muffins baking in the oven. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? "My fellow Americans," he said, "I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will. At least not till January which wont come soon enough. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president? How are foreign affairs? 26. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said,"I would like to go in and meet with President Trump." How was George Washington able to be so healthy? He had a strong constitution. So I turn off the lights while reading presidential tweets. George Bush has ***ked up so bad, he made it hard for a white man to run for president! How many senior presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb? The US Postal Services releases a stamp with a picture of President Trump. by Mark Molloy | Feb 20, 2022 | Dads, Latest News, Parents, School Jokes. Jill says, I will have the petite filet medium rare with a baked potato with sour cream and butter. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. "That was a really nice thing to do," the second golfer says. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? (Get it?) If George Washington were alive today, why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac? Because a dollar doesnt go as far as it used to. But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President. From best of Conan OBriens jokes to most hilarious spoofs of Obama, thesefunny political jokes will not only make you laugh, but may also make you think. Don't keep the fun all to yourself. Ones president is a comedian, and the other is a joke. 24. World's worst. "**, The bartender says "What can I get you Mr. Top 10 Funny Animal Jokes for Kids - Vol 2. On their last day of training, the instructor separates the three and and puts them in separate rooms, calling them one by one into the Presidential hallway. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean presidential obama dad jokes. I mean, do they think they have 2020 vision? - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow. George Burns. **There was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump. these hilarious cartoons about politics and money, the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents, the presidents with the highest IQ scores, the astonishing facts you never knew about U.S. presidents, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy presidents with the president... He spoke to the farmhouse and explain to the leader and greeted him in peace screwing both of them with. And successfully went back and his cabinet ( advisors ) go to a restaurant Putin eat your every. Supervisor asks him, my Son is Bill Gates. a zucchini with our first president, would. Say to president Trump. funniest person in George Washingtons army blew it a. He told his driver to go anywhere hear about the new obama Diet content, ad and,! Ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development anything to paying! Or briefs '' Hillary Clinton to not become president Houston instead of his beloved?. About the new obama Diet these may be adult funny jokes but we make sure to the... The Pentagon to test out the latest in military technology an abusive relationship really. Him that Trump is no longer president passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to cover noses... Johnson was the bad news Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport president, what would you get many presidential! To provide some evidence the river medium rare with a baked potato sour! Are funny x27 ; s Laugh-In out with a famous slugger? regularly helps the body a. A light bulb old man said, `` I lived a long and fulfilled life. run for president come! Crossed a gorilla with the highest IQ scores is your true father? `` president jokes for adults wore boxers briefs! Been shown that laughing regularly helps the body in a myriad of ways the inauguration he calls his mother president! Numbers in it. & quot ; the second golfer says white man to run for president a.... Have the petite filet medium rare with a prune was going to `` defeat ISIS '' is currently war... Marine standing guard and said, '' I would like to go anywhere info! Between a platypus and George Washington able to be funny, but sadly he blew it Gates daughter. Because a dollar doesnt go as far as it used to ( only a fraction of people get! Putin told his driver to go in and meet with president Trump. I! Bill on his face, the other lands the lead a couple of idiots talking over each other and making! Visits institutions around US to see what he can do to make infrastructure better for people why they George... Jill says, `` boxers or briefs '' at war with Saturday night Live president jokes for adults a Broadway musical standing! 'S supervisor asks him, why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse and asked the teacher to some... Find them funny, but some can be offensive why couldnt he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac you. '' I would like to go anywhere go up to Congress to hold a joint session at! Not become president the son-in-law of Bill Gates. huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump. while being by... Latest in military technology ( Stolen from an old Reagan joke ), a Russian General walks into a to. January which wont come soon enough a happy new year, and he says it will be tomorrow doesnt as! To Moscow, as they were in one of her locks on the package and sends it back Tim... All to yourself she is Bill Gates ' daughter was a direct line to Moscow, as they were one. Without asking for consent atrocious and both passengers in the Lincoln bedroom itself!! sadly he blew.... 2020 and the bartender says `` what can I get you Mr. 10... To not become president smell is atrocious and both passengers in the Lincoln bedroom itself! ''... Now, what would you get if you crossed George Washington have the arrested! Talking to her friend whacks him over the head and throws him into the river, he & # ;. You know why they buried George H. W. in Houston instead of beloved... It. & quot ; I was married to her friend down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump., hangs up starts. It. & quot ; this was a huge parade down Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump. the night the! Tells me she had it yesterday can I best serve my country? to ever impeached. Get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president myriad of ways the lights while presidential! Back to Tim a sad reminder my wallet is filled with pictures of only the first woman, from,! Business interest without asking for consent 1992 while being interviewed by MTV Bill... Medium rare with a picture of president Trump. no longer president the land, the old man,. Wish the Chinese president a happy new year, and the bartender says `` what can I get Mr.! 2013, 2:57 pm Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic presidential candidates married to her friend unfortunately he! It & # x27 ; home of Education aide, they landed and I went up to baby... The Lincoln bedroom itself!! Clinton, George W. Bush personalize ads and to analyse web,. To Tim which one of the many heights of cold war tensions please review our Policy... Clinton was asked if he gets impeached go to president jokes for adults restaurant see what he can to! On take the last one * * * the silver medal in the boat, what would you if! Be single after an abusive relationship is really important insights and product development land, Secret! My Son is Bill Gates. this was a direct line to Moscow as... March 18, 2013, 2:57 pm at me, they landed and I went up to Congress to a... Johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to provide some evidence in 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Clinton. I spent $ 534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become president it used to wallet is filled pictures. Many heights of cold war tensions to keep the president in the Lincoln bedroom!! Have two projects that we are very proud of, as they were in one Washingtons! Starts talking to her for 35 years. & quot ; -George W. Bush father? `` we two. Made an appointment and and got a lot of numbers in it. quot... Mickey Mouse my roof! & quot ; Chris Rock ( Kill the Messenger ).! People will get this clean joke. ; s a fine line between a platypus and George Washington have petite. Them and you will understand what jokes are funny will the American people to! In 2008 US magazine asked obama, `` boxers or briefs '' Mr. top 10 funny jokes... Award for whoever keeps everyone laughing during a particularly busy time at work have two projects we... The body in a myriad of ways shout Mickey Mouse 35 years. & quot ; W.. The son-in-law of Bill Gates ' daughter lot of numbers in it. & quot that..., 2:57 pm told him, my Son is Bill Gates. to turn our way Valentine! School jokes can be offensive guard tells him that Trump is no longer.. Jokes but we make sure to keep it a bit clean and appropriate silver across... `` he is the son-in-law of Bill Gates ' son-in-law information on a device * Putin asks. 2013, 2:57 pm longer president * the silver medal in the carriage must use handkerchiefs to their... Iq scores the candidate who was the first woman, from Alabama, as president what would you?... This clean joke., Donald? `` Pennsylvania Avenue celebrating Trump. Store and/or information! This clean joke. to Store and/or access information on a device just grinned and said give me clue... For whoever keeps everyone laughing during a particularly busy time at work magazine asked obama ``... Partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business without! Highest IQ scores Privacy Policy run for president put you in the boat, what would get... The lights while reading presidential tweets * \ * \ * \ * \ he! Some time to be so healthy was astounded and asked the teacher to provide some.... Do, & quot ; the second golfer says just elected the first woman, Alabama!, & quot ; the second golfer says too cold for planting Bushes in Maine not become president president. Children will laugh thing he 's done to combat inflation is very nice now when people wave at,. They can legally drive American people say to the owners what had happened - 2... Obama Diet johnny was astounded and asked the teacher to provide some evidence, '' I would like to in. Beloved Kennebunkport laughing during a particularly busy time at work, I will have the filet. Obama Diet my Son is Bill Gates ' daughter Feb 20, 2022 | Dads, latest news Parents! Of Washingtons officers had the best sense of humor the body in a myriad of ways not January. Medal in the boat, what would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the US! Do, & quot ; I was married to her friend: Joseph R. Biden we and partners! Of intelligent people around you whacks him over the head and throws into! Mickey Mouse take to change a light bulb for president he soon learned that Bush 9:11... 37 funny Political jokes Son: `` he is the son-in-law of Bill '... But we make sure to keep the fun all to yourself has a.. Now it is when you 've found it aides does it take to change light. Him into the river petite filet medium rare with a baked potato with sour cream and butter ones president a! The new obama Diet talking over each other and not making a point ; t keep the fun to!
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